Running Sentences Together
Extracts from R.W. Harris
Malescribes run one sentence into the next.
Run-on technique Example 1:
I offered her my jacket, she declined.
This sentence contains two independent clause (grammatically complete clauses that could stand alone as sentences). Two independent clauses can't be joined by a comma. The clauses need to be treated in one of the three ways:
1. Rewrite them as two sentences:
I offered her my jacket. She declined.
2. Separate then with a semicolon:
I offered her my jacket; she declined.
3. Separate them with a comma and a conjunction
I offered her my jacket, but she declined.
Run-on technique Example 2:
We love our new house, however, it needs a lot of work.
Sentence run-ons can occur when connecting adverbs are used between independent clauses. The run-on could be avoided by preceding the adverb however with a semicolon, as shown here:
We love our new house; however, it needs a lot of work.
Run-on technique Example 3:
The fender was crushed, the frame was bent, and the windshield was broken, in other words, the car was heavily damaged.
Solution:Avoid running sentences together by using appropriate punctuation or by writing two separate sentences.
Grammar Reminders
Examples of Conjunction: or, but, for, nor, so, yet
Examples of Connecting Adverbs: therefore, however, similarly, nevertheless, furthermore, then, consequently
Examples of Transitional Phrases: in other words, for example, as a result of, on the contrary
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
Weak Sentences III
Overcoming Euphemisms
Extracts from R.W. Harris
In an effort to appear polite and detrimental, malescribes typically will state ideas in a roundabout way. They worry that their readers might be displeased with direct prose that could be interpreted as crude, clumsy. tactless, or offensive. So malescribes often use euphemisms.
Beggers become panhandlers, lies become categorical inaccuracies, and prisons become correctional facilities. In general, such polite rewording isn't a problem. It often softens some of life's harsh realities but still conveys the intended meanings. However, malescribes often will carry euphemistic expressions to extremes.
Example 1: Poetic -- Green-eyed monster for envy
Example 2: Pretentious -- Au naturel for naked
Example 3: Self-consciously modest -- Private parts for genitals
Example 4: Grandiose -- Sanitation engineer for trash collector
Malescribes also carry on the questionable tradition of "political correctness," an obsession with mollifying overly sensitve readers. They readily use phrases such as weight enhanced, ethically impaired, and musically challenged.
Solution: Use euphemisms when they seem appropriate; but in general, try to express your thoughts directly.
Extracts from R.W. Harris
In an effort to appear polite and detrimental, malescribes typically will state ideas in a roundabout way. They worry that their readers might be displeased with direct prose that could be interpreted as crude, clumsy. tactless, or offensive. So malescribes often use euphemisms.
Beggers become panhandlers, lies become categorical inaccuracies, and prisons become correctional facilities. In general, such polite rewording isn't a problem. It often softens some of life's harsh realities but still conveys the intended meanings. However, malescribes often will carry euphemistic expressions to extremes.
Example 1: Poetic -- Green-eyed monster for envy
Example 2: Pretentious -- Au naturel for naked
Example 3: Self-consciously modest -- Private parts for genitals
Example 4: Grandiose -- Sanitation engineer for trash collector
Malescribes also carry on the questionable tradition of "political correctness," an obsession with mollifying overly sensitve readers. They readily use phrases such as weight enhanced, ethically impaired, and musically challenged.
Solution: Use euphemisms when they seem appropriate; but in general, try to express your thoughts directly.
Weak Sentences II
Downplaying Actions
Adapted from R.W Harris
Malescribes prefer to use the passive voice, where the subject of the sentence is acted upon (as opposed to the active voice, where the subject performs an action).
Example of passive voice: Tragically, hundreds of lives were lost when the iceberg was rammed by the ship.
Example of active voice: Tragically, hundreds of people died when the ship rammed the iceberg.
Healthy writers see that the passive voice is inappropriate for describing such a dramatic, action-filled event. It shifts the emphasis away from the performer of the action. Therefore, action-voice sentences are usually preferable because they are more direct, energetic, and succinct.
Passive voice construction can also create confusion about responsibility.
Example of passive voice: At this point, the spreadsheet file should be saved.
Example of active voice: At this point, save the speadsheet file.
The meaning of the instruction in the active voice example is clear.
The passive voice is appropriate in certain cases.
Example 1: Following the concert, wine and cheese will be served in the lobby.
In this sentence, it doesn't matter who will be serving the refreshments. The performer isn't important, so the active voice isn't required.
Example 2: The wrecked cab had to be towed to a body shop.
Disclosing the identity of the actor (the tow truck driver) would add nothing to this sentence, so the passive voice is acceptable.
Solution: Reserve the passive voice for sentences in which the actor is either unknown or unimportant.
Adapted from R.W Harris
Malescribes prefer to use the passive voice, where the subject of the sentence is acted upon (as opposed to the active voice, where the subject performs an action).
Example of passive voice: Tragically, hundreds of lives were lost when the iceberg was rammed by the ship.
Example of active voice: Tragically, hundreds of people died when the ship rammed the iceberg.
Healthy writers see that the passive voice is inappropriate for describing such a dramatic, action-filled event. It shifts the emphasis away from the performer of the action. Therefore, action-voice sentences are usually preferable because they are more direct, energetic, and succinct.
Passive voice construction can also create confusion about responsibility.
Example of passive voice: At this point, the spreadsheet file should be saved.
Example of active voice: At this point, save the speadsheet file.
The meaning of the instruction in the active voice example is clear.
The passive voice is appropriate in certain cases.
Example 1: Following the concert, wine and cheese will be served in the lobby.
In this sentence, it doesn't matter who will be serving the refreshments. The performer isn't important, so the active voice isn't required.
Example 2: The wrecked cab had to be towed to a body shop.
Disclosing the identity of the actor (the tow truck driver) would add nothing to this sentence, so the passive voice is acceptable.
Solution: Reserve the passive voice for sentences in which the actor is either unknown or unimportant.
Weak Sentences I
Stretching the meaning of words
Adapted from R.W Harris
Malescribes convey shades of meaning by choosing familiar words and try to make them do more than they realistically can.
Example 1: After Joseph fumbled with the ball, his coach was _____________.
Healthy writers might use 'livid' or 'furious' to complete the sentence. But malescribes typically use 'very angry' even if they are aware of other options. To their minds, it is the safe, comfortable choice. The intensifiers 'very', 'so', and 'extremely', work adequately to convey nuance, so they are used automatically. Malescribes also rely heavily on the qualifiers 'rather', 'fairly', and 'somewhat.'
Example 2: I called the an ambulance because the injury seemed to be rather serious.
Example 3: Learning to play the drum was a fairly challenging task.
Example 4: Bill wasted no time in hiring a somewhat attractive secretary.
The qualifying words weaken the impact of the sentences by creating uncertainty. How is 'rather serious' different from 'serious'?
Solution: Choose suitably vivid words instead of stretching less appropriate words with qualifiers.
Adapted from R.W Harris
Malescribes convey shades of meaning by choosing familiar words and try to make them do more than they realistically can.
Example 1: After Joseph fumbled with the ball, his coach was _____________.
Healthy writers might use 'livid' or 'furious' to complete the sentence. But malescribes typically use 'very angry' even if they are aware of other options. To their minds, it is the safe, comfortable choice. The intensifiers 'very', 'so', and 'extremely', work adequately to convey nuance, so they are used automatically. Malescribes also rely heavily on the qualifiers 'rather', 'fairly', and 'somewhat.'
Example 2: I called the an ambulance because the injury seemed to be rather serious.
Example 3: Learning to play the drum was a fairly challenging task.
Example 4: Bill wasted no time in hiring a somewhat attractive secretary.
The qualifying words weaken the impact of the sentences by creating uncertainty. How is 'rather serious' different from 'serious'?
Solution: Choose suitably vivid words instead of stretching less appropriate words with qualifiers.
Summary - Weak Sentences
Adopted from When Good People Write Bad Sentences
by R.W. Harris
To eliminate weak sentences, follow these healing tips:
• Choose suitably vivid words instead of stretching less appropriate words with qualifiers.
• Reserve the passive voice for sentences in which the actor is either unknown or unimportant.
• Use euphemisms when they seem appropriate; but in general, try to express your thoughts directly.
• Avoid running sentences together by using appropriate or by writing two separate sentences.
• Avoid worn-out words and phrases, using instead fresh, creative expressions.
• State your opinions clearly, confidently, and without equivocation.
by R.W. Harris
To eliminate weak sentences, follow these healing tips:
• Choose suitably vivid words instead of stretching less appropriate words with qualifiers.
• Reserve the passive voice for sentences in which the actor is either unknown or unimportant.
• Use euphemisms when they seem appropriate; but in general, try to express your thoughts directly.
• Avoid running sentences together by using appropriate or by writing two separate sentences.
• Avoid worn-out words and phrases, using instead fresh, creative expressions.
• State your opinions clearly, confidently, and without equivocation.
Introducing Malescribism
I suffer from malescribism, an uncontrollable urge to write badly. And of course, this 'disability' translates to poor thesis writing. I dropped by the library and borrowed a couple of writing books. I found a book entitled "When Good People Write Bad Sentences: 12 steps to better writing habits" which in fact, resulted in me knowing that I have this major problem. This is why I decided to start a blog. I must force myself to cultivate better writing habits.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)